A child or a young person’s sexual behaviour

Are you concerned about a child or young person’s sexual behaviour around other children? 

Do they say or do things that feel inappropriate or make you worried? 

Have they engaged in sexual exploration which you think is inappropriate for their age or harmful to themselves and/or others?   

Have you noticed behaviours that you think are unexpected for their age or stage of development, including how they are behaving online? 

If you are asking these questions, you are not alone. Many parents and carers feel unsure about how to understand or respond to sexual behaviours displayed by children and young people. 

Support is available to help you increase your understanding and respond safely. For more resources, see the ‘Further advice and support‘ section at the bottom of this page. 

What sexual behaviour is developmentally expected?

Sexual development is a natural and expected part of human development. It is a continuous process that occurs throughout childhood and adolescence, into adulthood. It involves biological, physical, psychological and social processes that all intersect. This includes the physical changes that occur as children and young people grow, as well as the knowledge and beliefs they develop and the behaviours they show. 

Children move through different stages of development and their awareness and curiosity about sex changes as they grow.  

Although each child develops at their own pace, certain behaviours are considered developmentally typical, socially appropriate and contextually expected for their stage of development. When these behaviours involve another child or young person, typical behaviour will be mutual, reciprocated by the other child, and both participants will share in the decision-making. These may include some self-exploration or exploration with other children of a similar age. Most sexual behaviour in children and young people is developmentally typical and can occur in person or online.  

However, it can be hard for us to tell the difference between age-appropriate sexual exploration and the early signs that a behaviour may be becoming harmful. If you have any concerns, it is best to seek advice and get support to respond in a safe and appropriate way.

What is harmful sexual behaviour?

Harmful sexual behaviours displayed by children and young people are sexual behaviours that fall outside what may be considered developmentally typical or socially appropriate, cause harm to themselves or others, and occur either in person and/or online. When these behaviours involve others, they may include a lack of consent, be one-sided (not reciprocated), and may involve the use of coercion, shame, force or a misuse of power.  

When children, (including very young children) or adolescents, display sexual behaviours that you consider worrying or concerning, it’s important to have open conversations with the child to understand the behaviour and why it may be occurring.  

Appropriate safety measures should be put in place to prevent further harm toward themselves, and/or to other children. This may include safeguarding and supervision strategies for families and organisations. It may also include seeking therapeutic support and advice for the child and their families to prevent behaviours from recurring or escalating.  You can also contact Stop It Now! Australia at 1800 01 1800 for guidance, or explore the What’s ok? Australia website for information and support.  

Why do some children act in a harmful way? 

Children and young people who display harmful sexual behaviour, and their families, may feel uncomfortable or confused about their behaviour and can struggle to understand why they are behaving in such a way. 

Harmful sexual behaviours in children and young people are more commonly associated with adverse childhood experiences, including prior sexual, physical, or emotional abuse; exposure to domestic and family violence; neglect; and/or interpersonal or learning difficulties. Social media and pornography may also play a significant role in influencing the development of these behaviours. 

Some children who display harmful sexual behaviours may have experienced harm themselves, or may be coping with rejection or other difficult emotions that contribute to their behaviour. Exposure to pornography can also impact a child’s understanding of healthy sexual development, potentially distorting their views of what is respectful and acceptable in relationships. 

Some children may have been a victim of harm themselves or may be experiencing rejection or difficult emotions which contributes to their harmful sexual behaviour. For some children, they may have come across pornography online and this has impacted their understanding of what healthy sexual development looks like. 

Whatever the cause of a child or young person’s harmful sexual behaviour, it is important the behaviour stops before any further harm is caused, and that we support all children and young people involved.  

The above list is not conclusive or exhaustive. If a child shows one of these behaviours, it doesn’t automatically mean something harmful is happening. Conversely, there may be other signs of harmful sexual behaviour not listed above. It is important to consider the context of the behaviour, not just the behaviour itself, when determining whether the behaviour is developmentally expected, concerning or harmful.  

How to approach difficult conversations with children and young people 

It is important to help a child or young person feel safe and supported when having these conversations, and acknowledge that it may be difficult or embarrassing for them to talk about what’s happened. 

Try to approach the discussion with curiosity rather than judgement. Keeping your voice calm, and your facial expressions neutral can make a big difference. Children and young people often notice non-verbal reactions just as much as words. Creating a supportive environment increases the likelihood they will be honest and talk about what is going on for them. 

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