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Helpline

Jesuit Social Services An initiative of Jesuit Social Services

Helpline

Your offline behaviour

On this page:

Change is possible.

If you have sexually harmed a child offline and want to stop, reaching this page is an important step. Change is possible, but it requires honesty, accountability and ongoing effort. 

We provide anonymous support and guidance focused on helping you to stop harmful behaviour, prevent further abuse and build a positive and safe life.  

You are responsible for your actions. With the right structure and support, you can take responsibility, control your actions and make safer choices. 

You can contact us anonymously on 1800 01 1800.  

Self-help support available

If you are working to understand and change your behaviour, structured learning is helpful. 

The self-help modules developed by Stop It Now! UK & Ireland are designed for people who are concerned about their sexual thoughts or behaviour towards children and want to make positive changes to prevent offending behaviour. They provide free, anonymous guidance to help individuals better understand and manage their thoughts, feelings and behaviour patterns. Through practical information and reflective exercises, the modules support people to develop healthier ways of managing concerning thoughts to prevent offending.  

The self-help modules provide guidance on: 

  • Understanding sexual thoughts 
  • Managing fantasies and urges 
  • Reducing reinforcement patterns 
  • Strengthening protective choices 
Access the self-help modules

Building change through accountability

If you have sexually harmed a child, recognising that this is harmful and committing to change is important. Real change begins with being honest about what happened and taking responsibility for your behaviour. This can feel uncomfortable, but it is one of the strongest foundations for moving forward and creating safer choices in the future. 

People sometimes look for reasons that make their behaviour feel more understandable or less serious. These are often called justifications or “making it okay” thoughts — for example, “telling yourself the child seemed older”, “that it wasn’t harmful”, “that it was mutual”, or that stress or circumstances played a role. These thoughts are not true and make it harder to recognise risk and prevent harm from happening again. 

The more you challenge your justifications and see your behaviour clearly — as harmful — the more power you have to change it and build a safer, more positive future. 

Personal Safety Planning

Developing a clear and structured safety plan is an essential foundation to ensure you can build a safe, offence-free life. A strong safety plan provides guidance in difficult moments, reduces risk, and helps you prevent offending. The more specific and practical your plan is, the more effective it will be in supporting long-term change. 

A Personal Safety Plan helps you prepare before risk increases. It gives you clarity, structure, and control. 

Evidence shows that people are more likely to stay safe and offence-free when they: 

  • Reduce isolation and secrecy 
  • Manage difficult emotions in healthy ways 
  • Put clear boundaries in place around children and related behaviours 
  • Develop safe adult, age-appropriate relationships 
  • Identify early warning signs (triggers) and act early 

How can I create a Personal Safety Plan?

A strong safety plan includes: 

  1. Your known triggers (e.g. emotional states, situations, online behaviours)
  2. Clear boundaries (e.g. no unsupervised contact) 
  3. Coping strategies for high-risk moments (e.g. fantasy management techniques)
  4. Support contacts you can reach out to 

The goal is to interrupt risk at the earliest possible stage — long before harm occurs. Planning ahead reduces impulsivity and increases your sense of control. 

You can start building yours by using the framework below. 

Identify patterns that increase vulnerability. 

  • What emotions tend to come first? (e.g. loneliness, stress, entitlement, anger) 
  • What are your thinking patterns? (e.g. increased sexual fantasy or rumination or minimising thoughts “it’s not a big deal”) 
  • What environments increase risk? (e.g. being around children unsupervised)
  • Are there routines that allow for more risky behaviour? (e.g. going for a walk when schools end, breaking personal rules) 

Early warning signs are your cue to act — not to wait. 

Awareness reduces surprise. When you know your patterns, you can plan ahead. 

Write down firm, non-negotiable rules for yourself. 

For example: 

  • No unsupervised contact with children 
  • No being alone in bedrooms, bathrooms, or private spaces with a child 
  • No special gifts, secrets, or “special” relationships with a child 
  • No alcohol or substance use around children 
  • No private messaging or one-on-one communication with a child 

Clear boundaries reduce decision-making in high-risk moments.

What will you do when you notice warning signs? 

  • Who can you contact for support? 
  • What distraction or grounding techniques will you use? 
  • What physical action will you take? (e.g. leave the environment immediately, increase supervision or remove yourself from contact, go outside) 

Acting early is much easier than trying to regain control at peak intensity. 

Secrecy increases risk. Transparency reduces it. 

Consider: 

  • Who knows you are actively working to prevent further harm? 
  • What supervision arrangements are in place? 
  • Are there clear agreements about contact with children? 
  • Do others have visibility over your routines, devices, or environments? 
  • Are you engaged with professional support? 

Long-term prevention is strengthened by structure, accountability, and openness — not by relying on willpower alone. 

Your safety plan should be written down, specific, and realistic. Review it regularly. Adjust it as you learn more about yourself. 

Planning ahead is a sign of responsibility and commitment to living safely. 

Need help? You don’t have to manage this alone. 

We understand that this can feel overwhelming and isolating to be worried about your thoughts. If that’s been your experience, you’re not alone. Speaking to someone can feel like a big step, but it is also a really positive step. Our team is here to support you in finding practical, realistic ways to stay safe and in control, and build a positive life. 

Call our free, anonymous helpline on 1800 01 1800 for advice, support and information. 

Disclaimer  

Before you continue using this website, please read our disclaimer.  

On this website, “child” or “children” refers to anyone under the age of 18.